“Umm Am I Qualified For This?” The Imposter Syndrome Experience

Don’t feel like reading? Here, I’ll read it to you

Hey dudes, long time no chit-chat.

It’s been such a journey figuring all of this out. You don’t realize how much you don’t know until you start something new. For me, it’s this blog/brand. In starting it, I really wanted to just write and create a community. But that is not the only thing it takes to run a blog. Not at all.

I have been learning so much. Like, I wish there was a college degree for this. Website design, blog writing, editing, technical this & that, social media marketing, SEO, keywords, the legalities of starting a brand… all of these could be their own 3 credit course. But they aren’t. With that being said, I have never felt more like I’m doing exactly what I’m meant to be doing and also like ummm hello?!!! I have no idea what I’m doing!!! Cue todays topic: imposter syndrome.

As some of you may know, my “real, big-kid, take meetings & send emails” job is working remotely for a nonprofit. I do a lot of random things like video editing, interviewing, and adding subtitles, but my main job is essentially program development. I started as an intern two years ago and now here I am!

We have been working on so many cool projects and our team is constantly evolving and growing and bringing new things to the table. (I think my job is the coolest if you couldn’t tell.) I’ll get off my soapbox about that and get into what I’m really here to say….I have no idea what TF I’m doing. Even from the start as an intern, I was given big responsibility. I never once got anyone a coffee but instead took on creating a program. I was super excited but also shocked that my boss gave me full reigns on getting that launched. I thought, How have I been trusted with this much responsibility?! Me? Researching, building, and launching a program? Uhhhh shouldn’t you get someone who knows what they’re doing?

There are plenty of days that I feel really good about my work and my qualifications for what I do. But these imposter thoughts still run through my head. It applies, even more, when it comes to my blog. I get so excited about everything I know it could be and all the avenues I plan to take to grow, and then I cut myself off. I think wait, there’s so much to know about each one of those things. I am such a beginner in the grand scheme of everything I want to achieve in my professional life. I need professionals for this, I think to myself. I sign up for seminars, online courses, and scour articles on how to do all these things to make my brand successful. And then I get overwhelmed.

What I’m working on and I talk about with my therapist pretty much every session is: my work is in rerouting my thoughts.

I used to be a heavily anxious person. I mean, it ruled my life. I was high-strung, constantly on the go, and worried about what was next. I’ve chilled out biiiiig time. (Though, I can’t say my anxiety has been eradicated.)

I do largely have a friend of mine to thank (Lexapro) But also, the magic of the thought reroute! You don’t have to believe your thoughts are true. It’s a thought. That’s all it is. Stop those harmful, self-doubting thoughts in their tracks.

And you guessed it, I’m being a hypocrite. I need to take my own advice…I’m working on it.

There are some anxious times still, for sure. I’ve got a ways to go but I’ve noticed that since paying more attention to it, I am better able to reroute rather than spiral.

ANYWAY. This past Thursday at an Open Connections meeting, a half-hour open chat for rural women to just hop on and have coffee and connect and talk about whatever, the topic ended up being imposter syndrome. So many women there were feeling the same thing. In fact, I’m not even the one who brought it up! It’s so interesting because I meet these women and I think wow you’re so incredible. Look at all you’ve done. Look at what you do every day. Look at who you are. And then they open their mouths and say they are doubting themselves and their abilities. A.K.A. imposter syndrome alert!!

As the American Psychological Association explains it “impostor phenomenon occurs among high achievers who are unable to internalize and accept their success. They often attribute their accomplishments to luck rather than to ability, and fear that others will eventually unmask them as a fraud.” (source) Essentially, it’s when a person feels like they aren’t qualified to be where they are or doing what they’re doing.

Since graduating, I’ve talked with friends about their new adult jobs. They tell me the title and I say “Okay. So, what does that mean? What do you do on the day-to-day?” And more often than not they say, “that’s the thing. I umm… I don’t know.” (They do know) Even my friends who were in nursing school, studying their butts off, talking all this medical jargon that goes right over my head, went to their first nursing job and said, “I feel like I know nothing”. The truth is that I know nothing about nursing given that I dropped it on my third day of college. They know a lot. They are just in a position they haven’t exactly been in before.

Being successful and excelling at something isn’t necessarily about knowing everything, but about using the knowledge you do have, trusting it and yourself, and being open to learning more. And I’m trying to keep reminding myself of that. (The perfectionist in me has a very hard time being okay with not knowing everything.)

Look, people of all ages and abilities feel it. This blog post isn’t advice on how to fix it because, and I’m not sure if I made this clear, I haven’t defeated imposter syndrome myself. I do, however, want to share the things that help me combat those feelings, pick myself back up, and keep trudging on. Because here’s the reality: I AM qualified. In fact, some may even say I’m totally kicking *ss!

And you are too. I bet. We aren’t supposed to know everything right from the start. We are learning. We are growing. We are qualified…and even if you don’t really believe those things, the real point of this is to say that you are not alone.

There’s this quote I have hung up on my wall that I really like. It goes: “Life will always lead you where you can do the most good. Your presence is needed here.” (Asja Boros) That resonated with me. You may be feeling like an imposter. You’ve been led here because you can do good here.

Reroute those thoughts and shake it off, baby! You’re a star.