Celebrating May! Mental Health Awareness Month & My First Tattoo
Heyooo
May is a biiiiig month over here for the Lila team (me, it’s just me).
First of all, May 5th is Lila’s birthday (AHHH) and May 29th is my Birthday (AHHH). For my Minnesotans back home, it’s when we start seeing some consistent sunlight for the first time in months, an indication that better days are on their way. It’s also Mental Health Awareness Month! As a platform dedicated to openly talking about mental health, I want to get some conversations flowing about it right away.
My first tattoo was kind of dedicated to the month of May, and since it’s been a few years since I explained it, I’m going to talk about that today.
I got my first tattoo when I was 18 and stupid. Not stupid because I dislike it, but stupid because I went in for a little 2 inch tatt and walked out with a huge 8 inch tatt on my ribcage that took about 3 hours. I’ve got a rubber arm…
And though now at 23, much older and wiser, I would do some things differently, I still love it for all that it symbolized to me.
A backstory:
When I was in high school, I’d say ages 17/18, I found myself in a deep hole. My second major depression, but the first one that I really knew what was happening. The year 2017 was tough, but for some reason, when the clock struck midnight on January 1st, 2018 I felt new. I decided to finally get this tattoo I had been thinking about for months. It represents a part of my life that shaped me in a lot of ways.
As I wrote back in 2018:
“A tattoo stays on your body forever and this represents the person I forever want to be.
In the year of 2017, I found myself facing a very conflicting period of my life. I was going to make the transition from high school to college and couldn’t tell whether I was excited, scared, or even ready. This past year was, without a doubt, the toughest time in my life thus far. (keep in mind I wrote this when I was 18) While I faced choosing a college, graduation, moving away from my best friends, new jobs, a hospital visit, lost friends, and a first love that was no longer strong enough to hold on, the biggest weight I carried was severe depression and anxiety. I can’t say I was entirely sure I would find myself writing this today, or seeing 2018 at all. I stand here today to put that all behind me.
The Lily of the Valley is the flower of May (my birth month) and is known to be a symbol meaning “the return of happiness.” This year is the return of my happiness and the return of my true self. This flower is known to attract people by its pretty and delicate scent. While my goal isn’t necessarily to smell pretty (I suppose it’s not a bad start), I aim to radiate a light that attracts others. The lily of the valley grows tall yet hangs its head low. This will remind me to rise above and strive for greatness, but to stay humble and never forget my roots. There are multiple flowers to remind me that I am not alone and never will be.
I not only chose my design carefully, but I selected the colors carefully as well. The color white represents simplicity and purity in my heart. Purple is a reminder of the power, beauty, and respect I hold. Pink is a reminder to be kind, nurturing, and approachable. Blue is to remind me to value inner peace and truth. Red is so I don’t forget the courage, passion, and strength I must fight for. The color yellow sparks joy and lightheartedness. Green represents the continuous resilience and optimism I aim to uphold.
This past year I have also matured greatly, decided to major in psychology, and grown closer to my family than ever before. I have learned to appreciate the quality of time spent with a person over the quantity, and most importantly I’ve found peace at heart knowing that everything works out the way it is supposed to.
Most days last year I cried hopeless tears. Today I cried not because of the pain (maybe a little because of the pain), and not because my wallet was begging me not to (it was definitely begging), but because lately I am the happiest I have been in a long, long time. I am so filled with hope and love and aspiration.
This year I will bloom, I will grow, I will be happy, and I will not stay stuck. I know it will not all be beautiful and delicate and triumphant, but if I am knocked to the ground, I will not stay down.
There’s a reason the Lilly of the Valley is featured in the Lila logo!!!
A note I do want to make is that at the time, this tattoo also held religious meaning for me. What I wrote then was:
“Though this last year brought many challenges, I could not be more blessed for how it has strengthened my faith. This tattoo also has spiritual meaning to me. In the Bible, we are told that when Jesus was crucified, Mary stood at the foot of the cross and wept. Where her tears fell, lily of the valleys later grew. This reminds me to remain hopeful for the new beginnings to come, even when it feels as though my whole world has come crashing down. I want to live my life to be more like Jesus. More patient, more loving, slow to anger, and reluctant to pass judgment. My tattoo is a reminder to do so.”
And though I no longer participate in the religion nor do I consider myself a Christian, those are still valuable messages I want to keep with me and characteristics I work on constantly.
I want you all to know that even if it feels like your world is crashing down around you, there are lilly of the valleys waiting the bloom from your tears. There are people who would weep at your loss. Sometimes life is shit. Lets no sugar coat it. But that doesn’t mean it always will be. No rain, no lilies.
#MoreThanEnough is what people are using to acknowledge Mental Health Awareness Month. If you’d like to share your story or anything related, you can pair it was #MoreThanEnough and #lilabyalexajo
